Yeah, SMS

I could not reach him for three days. I had called him countless times but he would not answer his phone. I sent countless messages but he would not respond. So I stopped. However, every time my phone rang, I jumped thinking it was him. I travelled for work in the meantime. Then the bomb dropped.

"I'm going to be a father".
I was at work and it was around 5 p.m. when the SMS came in. I left the room and went out, feeling very dizzy.  I did not know how to feel. Was I to shout, to wail, to cry, or to be unbothered? So many mixed feelings. I went back to the office, packed my things, and went back to the hotel.

I could not eat. I lay on my bed looking at the ceiling and wondering how I could have missed the signs. Why was this happening to me? What had I done wrong? Whom had I offended? What was I to do? How was I to get over this? How could a person be so heartless? I decided that I was never going to call him again. But how? How was I to get closure?

Needless to say, the rest of the week was blurry. I cannot remember what happened but I was very sad. I tried calling him so many times but he still would not answer. Send texts that I needed explanations but he did not care and he did not respond.

The days turned into weeks and I went through each day like a zombie. Snapping at the slightest thing and feeling like I died. Heartbreak is literally painful, I swear. Then one day, there is a knock on my door. I open and there he is standing as if he is going to fall. I had imagined that scene so many times. In my mind, I would yell at him and ask him to leave. Nevertheless, when I saw him there, I could not remember a thing. I let him in and let him talk.

"I'm sorry", he said.

"What are you sorry for", I asked.

"For everything", he replied

«Which is what exactly?"

He is speechless and I let my anger get the best of me.

"You impregnated someone else and then you had the guts to send me and SMS to inform me you are going to be a dad. You did not even have the courtesy to call. What do you take me for? I had called you so many times, sent so many messages, thought something had happened to you. I was worried sick and that is what I get? How can you be so heartless?"

He does not say anything and I am quiet. He now says, "I was shocked by the news myself. I was not expecting it and I did not know how to react or how to tell you. I am really sorry for causing you so much pain. I really hope you can forgive me".

A part of me wanted to hug him and tell him it would be alright. He did look downcast and I just wanted to comfort him.

"Who is she", I asked.

"She's no one", he replied.

"So for how long has this been happening with this 'no one', I asked. “So you were with her and me. So this was all a game to you?"

"Ijang, I swear I was not with her. She is my junior sister's friend. She came around one day and things sort of happened. It happened just once. I did not see her after that and I did not even know she was pregnant until the week I sent you that message".

Poor me. I believed him and that was my undoing. But who has never been in that position where they are drowning but desperately clutching on straw. When we only want to see the good people even when their evil is starring at us in broad day light. I was young, I was inexperienced, I was naive and I was very gullible too. I was in my early twenties with very little exposure and complete faith in people. I did not understand the extent that people would go to with lies.  All to what end? I did not know better. So I took him back and it was never the same. I could not trust him anymore. I was never certain of where he was or what he was doing when he was not with me. When he did not pick my calls, I imagined the worse. This went on for three months until I decided that I had enough. I was too stressed for my own good. I was with him but I was not happy and I knew I could not continue like that. I needed my sanity back. I sent him an SMS that I could not go on with him and we should go our separate ways. He never replied. Once again, I died...