News Bearers

‘Do you know *Miles is getting married?’

That was a question that was sent to me by *Tom, Miles ‘very good friend’ one year ago. I had not been feeling well for a while and had gone to the hospital to get some tests done. When Tom started sending me messages on the popular Andriod App called Whatsapp, I thought it was one of those chats to find out how I was doing. He started out with a few pleasantries which are required by courtesy. But I’m sure he was so impatient, after all he was writing to tell me that my boyfriend was getting married. It’s was breaking new, a big headline. He just couldn’t control himself and like a desperate journalist, he had to be the one to tell me first. But he didn’t care how he told me or how it sounded, what mattered was that he told me. And so he just had to write that down, no tact, no consideration for me or the fact that it was bad news.

I considered Tom a friend as well after all he was my boyfriend’s friend and we got along really well. Miles and I spent a lot of times with him and his family. Hey, I was at the hospital when his wife gave birth to their second daughter and I was at the said daughter’s birth ceremony. We used to spend time on Whatsapp chatting about all and nothing. Yes, that’s why I considered Tom as my friend. That was why I thought he had my back and that was why I trusted him. After all, he had told Miles and I that he was really happy for us and that he had never seen Miles so happy. But was he really my friend? Was he happy about my relationship with Miles? Did he have my back?

I can only ask questions on this blog, because I don’t talk to Tom anymore. I haven’t done so in a while now and I can’t be bothered. See, when Tom asked me the question above, I was absolutely certain that he had my back. He was looking out for me. But was he?

Prior to all this, I had met Miles five months earlier. I knew that he liked me but I wondered how a guy like him could be single. I was not certain about it especially since all his friends were married with kids. When he asked me out, I asked him why he was not married to which he didn’t respond and I asked him if he didn’t have a girlfriend. Miles stated that his previous girlfriend was in the US and I asked if they were still communicating but he remained mute. That should have been a red flag of course. I don’t know if I had been drinking on that day (I certainly was doing a lot of drinking back then) but I let it pass and brushed it aside like it was nothing.

Miles and I started dating and we were good. I am more of an introvert with friends I could count with the fingers of one hand while Miles was just the opposite. But because of him, I went out a lot, met an uncountable number of friends, smiled a lot at all of them and drank like a fish. We lived in different towns but we always found a way to be together on weekends. Despite all that, we were good. We were good until one day at work I got some Instant Messages (IM) from Miles:

‘There is something I want to tell you and I don’t know how to. I don’t know where to start from.’

‘Start from somewhere’, I replied

‘Just leave it I’ll tell you later. I’ll call on phone and we’ll talk’. Mile wrote

‘No, please. That’s how you are. Just tell me now’, I wrote

‘You know I love you and I’ll never do anything to hurt you’, he wrote

‘Yes, I love you too but right now you are scaring me. Just tell me what it is you want to say’, I wrote

‘The girl from US that I told you about, my girlfriend is back’ Miles wrote

‘And what are you going to do about it, what’s the point of you telling me this? Are you getting back together with her?’ I fired back. He had called her ‘his’ girlfriend.

Miles didn’t reply to the chat after that. I tried calling him but he didn’t pick up his phone. I got up and went to the bathroom. I looked at the mirror, I didn’t cry, I simply prayed ‘God, please don’t let this happen to me’. But deep down inside, I knew it was over. And so two weeks later when Tom asked me that question, I was at loss for words but I replied;

‘Oh really? Then extend my congratulations to him’.

‘You know I love you. I just can’t stand Miles because of what he’s doing to you. I know he hasn’t told you and I thought I should. You are a good girl and you don’t deserve that.’ Tom wrote

‘Thank you’, I replied

I thought Tom was a good person for reaching out to me and telling me. But I expected Miles to tell me himself face to face. In retrospect, I do not think Tom was doing me a favour. If anything, it felt like he was trying to save his friend the trouble or he was glad for the opportunity to drive a knife between us. I can’t be certain of which but in my subsequent conversations with Miles, he attested that Tom was just trying to separate us (as if Tom was the one who asked him to lie that he was single when he was actually engaged).

Being the bearer of bad news is not easy. It takes a lot of gut and love to tell someone (who means something to you) a devastating news. It is not easy but we must always consider that it may not be our place to bear the news in the first place. But if we must, then we must break the news gently and with tact. Don’t just blurt it out like you were saying ‘Good morning’. I’ll always remember that question Tom asked because he brought it on like it was a normal thing you would say to anybody on any given day.

Miles got married two or three weeks after I heard the news.

*Names changed to protect identity of persons mentioned