My (Ex)Boyfriends

Yes, the topic seems like I have a ton of them. But not really. I am not referring to lovers in this write-up but to people I’ve dated. I am single at the moment. Meanwhile they are all married (not sure about *Solomon whom I have not heard of in 9 years), not that I wish they’d married me but sometimes, I reflect on what my life would be if we hadn’t crossed paths. I wonder if some of the things happening to me now are as a result of the poor decisions I made in deciding to date these guys. Would my life be any different at this time if I’d never met these men?

I had always been a studious person, someone who was only concerned with reading and mathematics. I was a straight A student and exceled in both science and arts subjects. I had no interest in boys. In fact, they made me nervous.

So when I was barely 14 and *Vincent came to live close to us, I was surprised at how my body reacted when I heard his voice from a distance. I was having very first crush! But I had no idea. He was tall, dark, and handsome and he still is – time hasn’t changed him one bit 14 years later. I noticed that I avoided going to his house for fear of bumping into him, I’d be blushing when his female cousins who were my friends were talking about him, and I’d get very jealous when his said cousins mentioned the girl he was supposedly dating at the time. He was in high school and at least 18 years old at the time. Let’s just say, I knew about three girls he dated and I hated them for that. I would watch all his matches at school and pray that he’d notice me. But what did I want him to notice? I was small for age, I had no proper dress sense, I didn’t care too much for girly things, my breasts were barely noticeable, I had eczema on part of my face and I was getting acne. There was nothing about me that I liked, how did I expect him to like me.

But somehow, he noticed me. Yes he did. He asked me out and I accepted. He gave me my first kiss – it was weird though. I slapped him the first time he tried kissing me on the lips (but I later apologized and let him teach me). We were together for a while but alas, it didn’t last. I had grown tired of him and didn’t want him anymore. But he was hooked on me and begged me countless times, asked his cousin to intervene but I didn’t care.

By then I was preparing to go to the University. 2 years had passed since we started dating but one and a half of those years were spent in boarding school. I didn’t date anyone in level 200. At the time, I missed *Vincent (for that was the bloke’s name) but it was too late.

In level 300, I met *Solomon. We had an on and off thing for a year. He only wanted to get into my pants and I wouldn’t let him. He couldn’t believe I was a virgin and thought I was only pretending. I found out that he was dating another girl and I blame myself because I couldn’t give him sex. I had so many excuses but the day I took to my heels was the day I almost lost my life in getting to his house late at night only to find out he was with her. It was a stormy night and despite the cold rain on my skin, I was only jolted to my senses when the wind blew a piece of corrugated roof from a building my way which only miraculously missed me. I knew then that I’d had enough and my life was more important to me and my family that a guy who couldn’t appreciate me.

I finally left university and started working. For 2 years, I didn’t meet anyone who caught my fancy until I met *Valerie. He was dark like the previous guys I’d dated but that’s where the resemblance ended. He was intelligent and I liked him, that’s what mattered. I didn’t think of anything else. Let’s just say what happened between our two years of dating deserves its own post. But then it was one of the worst period of my life. After the relationship ended, I was depressed and sad. I was hurt for so long. You see after making so many excuses for *Valerie, he told me he was going to be a dad, 6 months later he got married. I almost lost faith in the male folk.

But I thank God I didn’t because after 2 years, I met *Miles. You’re probably wondering why all my pauses average 2 years. I guess it’s because I love deep and it usually takes a long time for me to move on to someone else. I loved *Miles, oh Gosh!! And I think he loved me too despite all the lies (yes that sounds twisted). It’s almost two years since we broke up. And yes, he’s married and was engaged when we were together (that was his big lie – plus the fact that he got married and tried to lie to me about it. My friend found the wedding pictures on Facebook and I almost fainted that day). Right now, I don’t think two years is enough for me. I still hope I’ll meet someone who make me forget him completely. And that’s why I am single. Yep… just that.

These relationships ended badly. Partly because I was too naïve and inexperienced. I sincerely believe that if I’d had a little more exposure while growing up and knowing what I do right now, I’d have made better decisions in dating these guys. And it only makes things more difficult for me now because I am suspicious of every guy who says hello.

But I am not God. I still believe that something good will come my way. My past mistakes have helped shape me today but they don’t define me. What will be will be.