Friends and sexual tension

Have you ever had a friend for whom you just felt one day that when he (for the gals) or she (for the guys) touched you, you felt like lightning had struck you? I mean someone for whom you may or may not have haboured a secret romantic feeling. You are just friends with this person but somehow you just can’t help but feel this sexual tension.

And the matter gets worse when you think or you know that the other person feels this same tension as you do but both of you pretend not to notice. One would probably say that if you both are single then ride on. After all, life’s short and time waits for nobody.

Over the years, I have faced this situation. I have had friends that I felt such sexual attraction towards. Friends for whom I imagined all sorts of wild and strange things when they touched me in a simple manner such as shaking hands, brushing off dirt from a sleeve, giving a peck, etc.

Dealing with it is not a difficult matter for me. I am very good at putting up a tough exterior and of course I would pretend not to notice and I would never admit such feelings to them. I don’t think it’s immoral but religious people may deny this. I simply feel that a biological need expresses itself once in a while and since I am not made of sticks and stones but rather have blood coursing through my veins, I am bound to feel some things sometimes.

I was taught about human needs in MGS 201 in level 200 in my first year in UB. Human needs fall under certain categories starting from the most basic ones known as biological needs. Biological needs include eating, drinking, sleeping, and even sex. Imagine our shock and possibly excitement during that class. We were in our late teens and too shy to admit that we knew what sex was. And now, in a marketing class, our lecturer was openly and loudly saying the word and stating it as a ‘need’. Needless to say, the class got noisy after. While the boys were grinning from ear to ear, the girls were blushing furiously.

Our sensibilities at that time beat me completely. But now, I just can’t help by think of Abraham Maslow for he is the one who came up with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs which summarized human needs into a pyramid with sex at the bottom. He’s right after all. Yes, he is. This sexual tension I feel should be equivalent to what one would feel when they’re hungry and have the need to eat. Of course, it’s different in that if you don’t eat you’ll die which is not true of abstinence from sex.

I’d made up of my mind about the sexual feeling and I decided that I was not a bad girl. I know that we girls hate to admit that we are sexual beings but I realized that we may not be so different from men. Women have sex as much as men do and they love it as equally as men do so what is the problem? Why do women hide and pretend that they do not care about sex? I believe that society has a lot to do with this. A woman who admits she likes and enjoys sex is always seen as a whore. But do we ask ourselves with whom all these men go about having sex up and down? Is it not with women? 

In the past, when I was between relationships, I got to feel that sexual tension a lot. I’m also an advocate of flee temptations. I’ve had to delete numbers and block people on social media because I felt very uncomfortable around them. I stopped listening to love songs and reading romance novels too. It just wasn’t worth the stress. Still there have been times when a smile from a member of the opposite sex would make my knees go weak and I find myself in fantasy land doing crazy things. Like someone said in Half and Half, an American sitcom, if it’s your dream, you are allowed to do anything you want. But that’s where it ends, in the dreams.

I don’t know if such feelings are limited to a certain age because right now, I swear sometimes I feel like I’m asexual. I know I’m not Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory but I’m not moved again by certain things. I’m more indifferent than ever when it comes to the opposite sex. Sometimes, I really wonder about it but I think I’m just caught up with work and my home that I have no time to think or even feels such things.

What about friends with benefits, wouldn’t that be the ultimate solution? Maybe. But that depends on each person’s moral compass and the ability to keep to the terms of the agreement without catching feelings and become jealous. But I definitely will not advise it. 

Do what makes you happy, but please don’t come telling us stories that touch. As for me, I’m out of here and I’m determined to stay that way.