I was at work today and needless to say, I didn’t get any work done. I had spent the whole day arguing with two of my colleagues. One is an older guy, close to 40, married with 2 kids while the other is a younger girl, barely 25.
We had been talking a lot, and anyone who knows me knows that I’m a controversial person. Yes, I admit. My opinions are at best – very unafrican. Because people always like to claim we’re Africans, so we’re expected to act and behave in a certain manner.
So, today I can’t remember how the argument started but I told my younger colleague that she was desperate for having only marriage in her mind as her next achievement. She told me she had gone to school, had her degree and she’s now working, so what next should she expect to happen. I asked her if that was the only thing left on earth for her to do. Weren’t there other things? She asked me ‘like what’ and I told her ‘like finding the cure for cancer’. You see, my point was that in wanting to get married, there’s no point putting your life on hold and thinking the best next thing to happen to you is getting married. There’s nothing wrong in wanting to get married but acting like there’s nothing else to do in your life apart from that is being desperate. I told her if she continued like that she might end up with the wrong person. I asked her what her reasons for getting married were and she said at this age everyone expects her to be married. I told her that was a very wrong way of seeing things and it means she’s not ready to get married. Like WTF!!! Why would anyone want to get married just because people expect her to? She said she wants to have kids. It was when I said, you don’t have to be married to have kids that things erupted.
My male colleague said having kids outside of marriage is badly perceived. I asked him by whom? He said by society. I asked him who society is, he said the people around and I asked him who those people around are? Are they the faceless people who have no bearing on your life who will dictate to you how you should live? Would you live your life based on what others would think or say? I said we are in a secular state and as long as what you’re doing is not a crime, you owe no one any explanation.
I said I believe in ‘to each his own’. Let people live life and stop imposing their standards on others. There’s no ultimate truth, everything is relative. Even the bible that some people swear by, is considered by others to be just a book.
I told my colleagues that not everyone wants to get married and have kids. The earlier they understand that the better. But it is wrong to judge someone based on their marital status and if she wants to get married it should be because she wants to not because she wants to please the faceless people called society.
Later, my male colleague cornered me and stated that I don’t want to get married. I told him I never said I didn’t want to get married but rather that not everyone wants to get married and have kids. But they should learn to respect other people’s choices. It’s that simple. I told him the so-called pressure that people have, they put it on themselves. I will get married, but not because some faceless people expect me to and I advised my younger colleague to do same.
The funniest thing is I had never made any life goals with marriage in mind. I had decided that I would work hard and become a Chartered Accountant as well as a Manager in my firm by the time I turn 30. I never prayed that I should get married by 25 or 27 or 30. Weird right?
Some people may think I’m saying this because I’m single – to console myself. They are entitled to their opinion, anyway. Which goes further to prove my point – people would always say things about you and would form opinions, it’s their right. Opinions are like @ssholes, everyone has one and some are full of shit. I am single by choice and because I have so much to do now before I get hitched. I’m not yet ready for any of my decisions to get vetoed by someone anytime I want to make a move and I’m fine like that. I’m not having sex too, I’ve being celibate for three years now. But I have suitors and interested parties, but I’m just not there. I’ve given myself a timeline but who knows? I’m in no rush, no pressure and society has got nothing on me.
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